I thought I had had an epiphany but it wasn’t that at all. Instead, I have had an “opening.”
An epiphany is defined as…
1.(initial capital letter) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day.
2.an appearance or manifestation, especially of a deity.
3.a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
4.a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.
This definition doesn’t suit my current experience. So I searched for a more appropriate word to truly describe what just happened to me.
An “Opening”, I have had an opening. This is the word and the definition suits my experience.
1.an act or instance of making or becoming open.
2.the act of a person or thing that opens.
3.an unobstructed or unoccupied space or place.
4.a void in solid matter; a gap, hole, or aperture.
The question I have wanted to answer in this first blog post is, “what does it mean to be whole” or “what is holistic health?”
For so long I have wondered how to begin my blog posts. The first was so important, what will it say, how will it look, will it attract the right people, what will everyone think and most importantly, does what everyone perceives support what I want them to see me as.
This is when I had the “opening,” when I realized that what I was most concerned about was…
*was it scientific enough
*did I use the right words
*was my grammar perfect
*will everyone understand it
*will it preface everything I want to follow it with
*will it be cutting edge enough
*will it be cool enough
*will it fill all the requirements that EVERYONE ELSE has told me
When this in itself was exactly what was denying my holistic health, this was what was keeping me from being completely whole! What I was asking myself was, “what will support my EGO” not “what will support and honor my holistic health!”
It is time for the truth.
I have always been searching for this truth. Asking myself so many questions. Is it exercise, nutrition and stretching? It must have something to do with when I go to bed or how I handle my stress. Maybe it has to do with my financial situation. It must include the relationships we are or are not in. Is it about our spiritual life and practice or more about our career choices? Certainly how and where we spend our time is important.
I must begin with telling myself the truth. What truth do I know about myself?
I am an athlete, I am kinesthetic in every way. I have felt my way through life and it has landed me right here.
As an athlete, a trainer, a healer, a bodyworker and a kinesthetic animal, whenever I have felt discomfort or pain on any level I have moved through or maybe avoided it through intense exercise or physical touch.
It is important for me to say in this moment I feel fear and ego trying to choke it out of me, trying to tell me to stop typing, that this isn’t good enough for my first post.
Today, truth wins, my higher self wins. Holistic health encompasses all of the pieces I mentioned above and every time you cover one of the areas up with what is easiest for you, (for instance exercise for me) the deeper the truth is buried. When the truth goes deeper and deeper it will manifest in the body and stop what do best until you honor that truth. In other words the longer I deny what I must face in my life to be whole by exercising more and harder the further away I am from balance or holistic health. If I continue in that direction, physically I will break down and no longer be able to exercise the pain or “heartache” away.
I have been in the grips of a loss in my life. It has totally consumed me on every level. Over exercising isn’t getting rid of this discomfort and I am beginning to feel my health slip away from me. I have had to ask myself, why am I still in this much pain? Why can’t I move forward? Now I know I am opening to the answer. The loss I have experienced has left me with a gift. It has forced me to stand face to face with pain, to face this emptiness and to honor all in my life I have denied and avoided.
It is time I discover what it is in me that feels empty because no other person, no other thing, no other food, no workout will fill this space. Opening to this, facing this is scary, but I know it is necessary to find the joy and unconditional love we all own as our birthright.
At this moment I do not know what this space needs. But what I do know is that I have had an opening and I will only fill this space with truth. What makes me tick? What makes me whole? What do I want? What is my purpose? How can I make every decision from a place of love? What will I bring to my relationships? How will my presence and living my purpose in the world honor and serve humankind?
Today I am letting go of what others think of me, I am shaking loose of the grip that the need for approval has had on me. I do not know where this will take me, but I do know that it is an opening and the beginning to my journey in living my own life in discovering the truth of my purpose.
Begin by asking yourself to come clean. Write down the truths about yourself. If you do not feel like you get there, keep asking yourself until you know you are having an opening, that you are open to the truth of what fills you, what makes you tick, what brings you joy and what will lead you to your purpose so that you can serve humankind the way you were meant to.
Just last week I was discussing with friend that the earth is a hologram. Until each of us understands that our worth is essential, that discovering and living our purpose is necessary because each and everyone of us is a vital piece of the health, vitality and longevity of planet earth. Holistic health supports us and is crucial to us as individuals, because of this it supports our family and our loved ones. This in turn has an effect on our communities through school, church, etc. Finally, through holistic health we can be the immune system for Planet Earth.
Stay tuned as I go through my own experience in discovering what it means to be complete, whole and healthy.